well I can't set my house on fire every night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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