Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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