I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
