explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
