I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
