I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
