Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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