That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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