my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
