dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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