a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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