She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
