im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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