The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
operation harelip BJ is a go
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
