i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
