it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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