Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
