I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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