I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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