This is not my ceiling
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
