woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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