OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
