My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize