Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
