Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
