i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
