I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
