guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
