I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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