so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
