I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
