i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
