Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
