can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
