I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Enjoy the penises
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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