where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
