In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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