just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
