weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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