Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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