Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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