If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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