I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
