I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
