I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize