Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize