She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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