I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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