the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
