I love black thongs
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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