I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
