FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize