We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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