it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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