Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
