The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
