I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
