VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
