Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
