alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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