I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
