I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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