if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
