Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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