hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
