I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
