C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
