Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
