im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
