Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
