have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
