i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
