I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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