so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize