Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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