just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh god it's open bar.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
