if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
